I really think that times are changing, because when my kids were little people often asked if they were mine (or a more outrageously inappropriate version of that question.) Now that they are older no one asks. I don’t know if it’s because of the way we act when we are together or if it’s because there are so many mixed families now. The interesting part for me now, is watching how my kids navigate that period of time where they are expected to choose how they identify. I want so much for them to be able to say “I am biracial!” but I am not sure if any of them will feel like they can do that. My oldest currently identifies as black. Many of his friends don’t even know he is mixed until I show up to pick him up from playing basketball with his friends. It’s a complicated world…I will always see them as biracial. But who knows how they will see themselves.

You got me thinking again, Martha! You’re always doing that

Ironically, with African Americans, I have been questioned a number of times, “Is that your daughter?” And I was surprised because I thought they would have recognized it more easily. I agree that white people do generally tend to assume whiteness unless they see something else. I also wonder if it’s geography. Living in Texas, the racial divisions are stricter here, so maybe that’s why some African Americans are still left wondering.

One thing I found really interesting… When my oldest was a toddler, even for me as his mother I found it hard to “see” his “black” features, and I’m guessing when he was out alone with me most white people probably assumed he was white. Yet I was always amazed how often black people easily recognized his biracial-ness. People would comment, “Oh he looks just like my nephew” or something along those lines. It seemed to me almost though as white people most of us go through the world “assuming white” (until something fundamentally shifts our assumption), while maybe persons of color more readily recognize that biracial or black kids aren’t necessarily going to look one specific way. Does that make sense?? Hopefully I’m not overgeneralizing.