1. says:

    November 4, 2010 at 3:12 pm

    Great post. Thanks for sharing. I especially wanted to read it considering my upbringing or lack there of. As I have said before, my so-called parents taught me how to NOT raise kids.

    I like letting children express themselves whether it is with a tantrum or tears. That is only way they know how to express themselves and it is a healthy release. It may annoy other people, but they can get over it.

    • Martha says:

      November 4, 2010 at 5:11 pm

      Thanks Krys. It's pretty amazing that you were able to get past your upbringing and learn a better way to be a mom. In reading this book I'm realizing just how difficult it can be to break those cycles.

      And I agree about letting your children express themselves. I hate it when I'm out in public and I get dirty looks from people if Annika is being loud. Get over it! We're the adults here.

  2. Aileen says:

    November 4, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    Thanks for your post, Martha. I really liked Tears and Tantrums as well, and feel the same way when we have a public tantrum (the latest took place at the train table at B&N when another toddler took a train out of his hand). Letting him cry and saying how that must have felt bad, etc. is what I did and I got dirty looks from the other mom. Oh well. We're the adults.

    I just finished reading Gavin de Becker's book, Protecting the Gift. It isn't fun, light reading, but I think it's important. There's a chapter entitled "All in the Family" and I thought of it when you went into the backgrounds of adult abusers. It's so sad. Anyway, one thing the author said he wouldn't do is lecture on parenting techniques since his main focus is safety. But one thing he does advocate is "parenting from the heart" and not dismissing feelings, clues or signs as to what our children are feeling or experiencing. It seems in line with attachment parenting.

    Anyway, I have been out of the loop and not read your previous posts, but just wanted to say hi and thanks, again.

  3. Martha says:

    November 5, 2010 at 12:35 am

    Good for you Aileen for sticking up for N.

    I definitely want to read Protecting the Gift. Thanks for the reminder! It was on my list.

    Glad that you're still reading! Hope you all are well. 🙂

  4. says:

    November 5, 2010 at 2:19 am

    I just get frustrated when a person assumes that abused kids will make abusive parents. It can't be further from the truth. I know there are cases where the cycle was not broken, but I have known several people who went through the same thing I did and they broke the cycle and are amazing parents. You have to let people know how you feel. Holding in anger, frustrations, fears, etc can be toxic to not only yourself but to others. Parenting is a tough job, but I love it. I am blessed to have two wonderful little boys. It is never a dull moment. I love how opposite their personalities are and how for some reason they think I am the coolest person ever. I'm really a dork. 😛

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