1. says:

    June 1, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    I'd love to get better at co-parenting. My estranged husband is already seeing another woman so for me there is a lot of spite and anger. I worry that any attempts at successful coparenting will be tainted by the mistress. Any suggestions?

    • Martha says:

      June 1, 2010 at 6:33 pm


      In order to be successful at co-parenting, both parties should be dedicated to making decisions in the best interest of your child. If you trust that he is, at least, dedicated to that, then you are in a good position.

      As for the mistress, I guess that depends. Are your worries based on truthful reasoning, and his patterns with women? Or are you worries based on mainstream thought patterns and jealousy?

      If it's the latter, then working out your feelings and learning to be more objective when it comes to him, would be a good start. Individual counseling might help, either way.

      I'd say start by working on your own feelings of spite and anger. Try to stay calm when you deal with him. Set clear boundaries and expectations.

  2. says:

    June 2, 2010 at 9:00 am

    I gotta say, Martha, these are great tips even for a married chick like me! Finding a balance between two parents is hard no matter what, expecially when one of them is clearly the primary caregiver.

    We also have the same sleeping situation and Daddy usually sleeps in another room; he's a really big guy, and the 3 of us in one is just very uncomfortable and impractical. We try and make up for this by spending as much 'family time' on the bed as possible. I do feel bad about it [sometimes], but it's working for us and I do love the closeness with Alegra.

    It's wonderful that you and Toyin work so hard at this, probably more so than co-habiting or married parents! Annika will definitely benefit from your awesome efforts. =)

    • Martha says:

      June 2, 2010 at 3:48 pm


      Thanks! Sometimes I think we actually have a better deal because Toyin has to make more time to spend with Annika consistently and I get regular breaks. It's a nice benefit. 🙂

      Finding good balance is hard for all parents. It definitely takes effort, no matter what your situation.

  3. says:

    June 2, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Whoa. I'm actually working a DIVORCE post right now, from the other angle.

    Can we take your blog post and stick it in a time machine and mail it to my parents, circa 1990?


    • Martha says:

      June 2, 2010 at 3:50 pm


      LOL, sure, no problem. Let me just hop in my Delorean. 🙂

      (Please tell me you get that reference.)

      Can't wait to read your post!

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