And just like that. It’s done.
The co-sleeping/no cry it out years of insomnia-inducing sleepless nights are over. Well, at least, for now. At least I’m not getting woken up every. single. night. Anymore.
I actually slept an entire night without waking up for the first time in over two years last night.
I’ve gotten so used to waking up in the middle of the night — either with a restless child, or just because my body is so used to getting woken up, I would wake up anyway and lie there cursing the sleep gods — I started sort of enjoying my middle of the night web surfing. It usually lasted around two or three hours. I’d get loads of stuff done. Check my e-mail early. Hit all my news sites. Read my mama sites. Update my Facebook status. Sometimes I’d even get up and watch a tv show on hulu, then head on back to bed just in time for a catnap before waking up for the day.
I just gave into it. I stopped fighting with my body’s desire for a full eight hours of sleep. I decided to ride this wave just like I know I am going to ride through phases for the next several years until Annika matures.
So I stopped fighting it and decided to enjoy it. For awhile I just went to sleep when Annika slept, then I’d wake up and do my evening in the middle of the night. I know. I know. It’s not the kind of behavior recommended for insomniacs. You’re supposed to stay in bed and pretend like you’re going to go right back to sleep.
I’ve had insomnia for years. It started in high school. I used to lie awake every night staring at the ceiling, wondering what was wrong with me because I could never ever fall asleep until about 2 a.m.
Then I learned in NurtureShock that teens circadian rhythms are different, so that they naturally fall asleep later and wake later. So much for the idea that teenagers are just lazy asses who like to sleep late.
Then I grew up and I started worrying. I worried myself into a tizzy often enough that it literally kept me awake at night.
Then I got divorced. But before I got divorced, I fought with my husband and he started staying up all night long and sleeping all day. So at night, I laid awake, trying to sleep, but really being pissed off that he was in the other room playing computer games and chatting with women who lived in different countries.
Then I was single again and by then my natural progression was to lie awake at night and then be tired all day.
I know insomnia. I know that staying in bed and ignoring the clock does not work.
So, instead of fighting with it, I gave into it. And now, it’s over. For now. At least, it was last night. Who knows how tonight will go.