The first time I ever got drunk I was 15. I snuck out of my house with a friend to meet a boy she liked and he brought along his uncle.
I’m not sure how old he was, but he was definitely an adult. It seemed like he was in his 30s. He treated me nicely though and I had fun. Now that I’m older, I realize that I was lucky to have a met a respectful man who didn’t take advantage of my stupid 15-year-old naivete mixed with vodka and orange juice.
The second time I got drunk was about two years later. My brother bought me and my best friend some wine coolers and laughed at us as we fools of ourselves. That’s not a judgment on him. Hell, I would have done the same. He was only 20 or 21 at the time. The point is, I was lucky to be in situations where drinking didn’t lead me to getting raped or killed in a drunk driving accident.
Oh wait. I’m sorta drunk.
See, the thing is, I’ve realized that my blog has sort of morphed into an extension of me. There’s the harsh, drinking, ex-drugging, sexually promiscuous side, which is me during my early 20s and early 30s.
Then there’s this mommy side of me that’s been more spiritually aware, softer, more genuine side who loves babies and is constantly intrigued by my child, who is in all honesty, cute-as-a-button, but also, just a normal kid. She is amazing to me simply because she’s my daughter.
So, this leads me to say what I have to say about my blog.
Okay, not really. I just threw that in because I’m drunk.
And something else, all the shit that has been going on in my life, not cool.
No, it is not cool for you to take advantage of me.
No, it is not cool for you to act like you know something that you don’t know.
No, it is not cool to harass me, even if you are the person who gave birth to me. It is definitely not cool to take credit for my life or my awareness. I did a lot of fucking hard work to get where I am today. So fuck you.
You know who you are.
Let me tell you a little something about me.
I’m a drunk. I don’t get drunk all the time anymore like I used to. But if I go by the common definition of a drunk, I’m still a drunk.
I’m also a good mom. I’m a damn good mom. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. But I’m a good mom. I research shit. I work on my patience. I try damn hard to treat my child like she is a human being. I work damn hard to understand her developmental stages and respond accordingly.
Most people would say that being a drunk and being a good mom doesn’t go hand in hand.
But let me tell you something about the mom world.
It is filled with disease and hatred and misunderstanding.
I was talking to an AP mama friend this morning. She said something so profound that I feel the need to share it with you, my readers. She said (and I’m paraphrasing here), “People don’t seem to make logical jumps when it comes to parenting.”
She expounded on that thought and we both laughed about how mainstream parenting says that you should let babies cry it out, then start spanking and giving harsh punishments to children. And then, right, and THEN, they wonder why their children are fucked up.
It’s actually a lot like the world of being drunk.
There’s denial and misunderstanding and a bunch of bullshit.
Being a mom doesn’t give you automatic rights to being a nice person. It just gives you a world where women flock around you and pat you on the back, telling you that you’re doing a good job. But the truth is, you’re still the same fucked up person you were before you gave birth. You’re still a drunk, a slut, a goody-two-shoes, a judgmental bitch, an animal lover, a hopeless romantic, a reader, a TV watcher, a gardener, a cook, a lazy-ass, a smart-ass, a dumb-ass, a poor housekeeper, a slob, a fat-ass, a skinny bitch… a human being.
Becoming a mother doesn’t give you any special rights. If anything, I gives you less rights because it is a fucking gift to be able to give birth to a child and watch a person grow. You don’t own me. I don’t own Annika. She is her own person. I am my own fucking person.
I apologize for the fact that this wasn’t as funny as the last Drlogging. I meant it to be, but I have been really fucking angry this week.
Here’s a picture of Annika and me with Leslie, an Austin institution. It’s blurry as shit because my phone sucks. But there you go.